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When No one is Watching

When are you, your true self? What kind of person are you, really? Are we all inherently good? Because I know that in God's eyes, we are human, and thus sinners. Our sins and mistakes do not have to define us, however. Those mistakes— those are things that we’ve done in the past, not who we are today.

And who we are, at any given moment of any given day is up to us. We are faced with choices from the second we wake up, until the moment we fall asleep… all of which reflect the person that we are... our character. Our “goodness.”

“The true test of a man’s character is what they do when no one is watching.” This is a quote written by great basketball coach John Wooden and, oh my, does it ring true. How do we treat people? How do we act towards others? Do we take others’ feelings and presence in the world into consideration when making decisions? Are we helpful… or are we hurtful? When we are alone, and not accountable to anyone else for anything that you do… how do we behave?

Who doesn’t want to impress the world? To appear a hero? Heck... just to be “liked” by others. There are a lot of things we could do... things we could say... to make us come across as a certain kind of person. A person that society, the media, your work, your in-laws, your staff, your own family, admire and applauses. But are you that person all the time? Is that person that you display the genuine YOU?

That is what I try to keep in mind when I evaluate my behaviors, my actions. Is who I truly am consistent with my presentation of myself? Day or night-- all the time? I always considered myself a thoughtful, caring, loving person. In fact, those assets and personal characteristics were never really gone when I was active in my addiction. They absolutely were, however, “drowned” throughout chapters of my life.

When I was drinking, I was selfish and hopeless, and just not a happy person at all.

I had too many years of not loving myself, not caring... where the drink made me behave nothing like the person that I could be— or wanted to be.

Some of the words I would describe myself today would be kind, encouraging, compassionate, generous, relatable, and real. Now after having said all that, (which giving compliments to yourself is not the easiest thing to do) I have recognized that all the positive energy, light, and love that I put out into the world today, I think is BECAUSE I lived in the dark for so long. The goodness I feel inside me, reflects in the goodness I put out there-- into the world-- and then back again it comes. The things that I do, and the things that I say are sincere, honest, genuine, and 100 percent WHO I AM.

Of course, I have my faults, character defects, and shortcomings— we all do… but the good outweighs the bad by far. So, does my inward self, match my outward self???? Today, living a life of recovery, I can give my answer, “Yes, today I am my true self.”


P.S I’m Grateful.

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