Lying... We protect and shelter our addiction by whatever means necessary from those that are threatening to make us address it when we aren’t ready to. We downplay the seriousness, make light out of disaster, and cover up the shambles that our life has become. Deep down we know our problem is real but not ready to actually deal with it. You might tell others, “I’m just going through a lot right now” ... or “it’s all because of (fill in the blank) that I’m so messed up.” Even get angry for people meddling in our life, that we quickly and sharply remind them is none of their business. We will point the finger at anyone or anything we can, just as long as it’s not at us.
Sometimes we even reach that contemplation phase, where we are admitting to others, at moments that we are vulnerable and seem fitting to us, that things have gotten out of hand. Facebook posts, a short, two-sentenced phone call, messed up voicemails—all a quiet cry for help but no real action.
Then it gets to a point that we can’t hide it anymore. No amount of manipulating or falsifying reality can camouflage where things are really at. This is the part that is of the utmost importance in ACTUALLY getting better. Two words… but one of the most difficult things you’ll ever have to do--because it’s a painful, long, ongoing process-- to have a prayer of finding yourself again.
Two words... Get Honest.
Getting honest with yourself. Getting honest with others. Getting honest about how I got there. Getting honest about why I stayed there. Getting honest about who I hurt. Getting honest about who hurt me. Getting honest about the mistakes I’ve made. Getting honest about how I feel. Getting honest about what I want. Getting honest about what, and who is good for me. Getting honest about what, and who is detrimental to my recovery.
Then there’s the biggie... Getting honest with the reality that alcohol and drugs cannot be a part of my life anymore... period…. That one takes some work. Recognizing through all that honesty-- as painful and tormenting as it was, and continues to be, that I realized I needed to create a new way of living.
Now that’s a whole lotta honesty to deal with. But if you work through it, (and this is a continuous thing mind you), thoroughly and without reservation… the end result is a freedom that you have never known.
We were free from drinking and drugs before we ever used them, of course... but this freedom I’m talking about is because we were owned by our addiction... body, and mind. Physically, emotionally, spiritually... literally held captive from who we really are and who we could be.
So, when you finally get “IT”, whatever that IT is, and whatever IT means to you... you’ll know. And THAT is when you will experience freedom. And I beg of you... hold onto it.... renew your IT every day so you can actually live again.
If it hasn’t already... IT will happen. If you just get honest.
P.S. I'm Grateful