Halloween was always the holiday I claimed as my favorite. As I reminisce, I realize my reasons for this highlight my affinity for the darkness. I liked the mischievous nature. The overconsumption of unhealthy, sugary, tooth-destroying treats with the bonus anxiety born from stories of razor blades in bubble gum. Sneaking around at night. Scary masks. Jump scares. Ghostly soundtracks. Bad intentions and late curfews.
I see a difference in myself now that I'm living a life in recovery. The dark no longer entices me. Something that used to be a place of comfort now is a place to avoid. Maybe I've experienced all the dark a person needs. Bad intentions and sneaky ways of thinking will sap the light I have around me these days and that light is what sustains me. Maybe I would have never had the appreciation for the light that I have now without submerging myself into the abyss for years.
Something to think about though. It seems reasonable to me to think that one night a year of celebrating the dark aspects of ourselves is completely fine and maybe even a worthwhile practice. But some people can also have just one drink. For me, I'd have to watch those sneaky, mischievous impulses because I'd be worried about them becoming habits again. And inviting the dark back in.
On a more positive note... The reason we're here!
1) I have to say, my favorite costume overall is my favorite solely due to the reaction my mom had when I told her what I wanted to be. I wanted to be my Grandpa. Her dad. When she asked how I was going to do that, I told her I was going to wear a flannel shirt and stuff it with pillows. I'm wondering if it was the first time I noticed myself making my mom laugh because I'll always remember how good of a laugh she got out of it.
2) This one also is more about the memory than the actual costume and involves my mom again so it's obviously important. I want to say I was about 9. I was feeling much older and in need of a scarier costume than I had been known for in previous years. I decided on a Frankenstein mask, but not just one of those cheap ones with the white elastic band but a rubber-scented, sweat-manufacturing, suffocating torture device. But I loved it. I was scary. And this was the first time I was going to be going trick or treating with my friend and NO parents. The only problem with that was my mom was told I'd be going with my friend's parents. So long story short, I'll always remember that feeling when I heard "Adam Michael Stevens!" And that's when he knew he was f-ed. Mom was not happy with me.
3) I'm leaving this one open for the future. I never dressed up all the years I took my son trick or treating. A busy lifestyle would have been my excuse and it really not seeming like a big deal would have been my justification but there truly is no reason that I couldn't have. I imagine it would have been a little more fun for him at the very least. So, my point is, my next favorite costume is going to be the first one I wear while taking my daughter trick or treating. She's going as Elsa from Frozen this year. Maybe I can come up with something...
