A couple of days ago, I was provided the opportunity to answer our business line, here at 217 Recovery, which is somewhat of a rare occurrence. Our front-of-house manager, Mitchy, had an important meeting in the office directly left of his desk, that he couldn't get away from, so I stepped in and did my best. Apparently, I should take a class or something because I did not live up to the high bar Mitchy has set in the phone answering department. I was told that I sounded too serious. This was strange because I thought my "217 Recovery, Adam speaking" was cheerful enough. But it did get me thinking. It wasn't too long ago that a coworker of mine mentioned "Adam's Eeyore Personality"; obviously, that spawned a new line of exploration for me. Eeyore. Too serious. I sound like a blast to hang out with. For those of you who don't know who Eeyore is, he's a stuffed donkey (I think) with depression who goes on adventures with Winnie The Pooh and their friends. There was a time in my life when I'm pretty sure I found Eeyore's disposition endearing. I was probably thinking about how he's humble, not self-serving, doesn't want attention, and appreciative (Thanks for noticing, is his famous line). And when I think about it, I think I did covet those qualities and tried to embody them as I matured. I think the reason the Eeyore comment affected me the way it did is because, to a degree, those things ended up being big changes I needed to make in my life. I am an addict/alcoholic and I have a tendency to go all or nothing, so in this case, I wasn't humble, I was self-deprecating. I wasn't just not self-serving; I wasn't serving myself at all. Not wanting attention seemed to draw attention and being appreciative turned into believing I don't deserve what everyone else does. Recovery has given me my self-esteem and helped me recognize my worth. All the hopes for prosperity that I fostered for everyone else, I had to learn to cultivate in myself. We all deserve the future we envision for ourselves. We just have to do what it takes to get there. Sometimes it's just telling yourself you're enough. I completely understand the Eeyore connection and it made me laugh but this Eeyore doesn't live in that darkness anymore. I don't feel sorry for myself. I wouldn't change a thing. I'm happier than I ever have been. Eeyore is still in there; he just is full of purpose now.
