Last week I wrote about the things addiction & substance use took from me. Followed by what a life in recovery has given back and added. I mentioned at the end of that publication that I might blog about how you can come about these blessings yourself. So, here we are.
Here's a part of my story from mere days after I first got sober: I was doing my first meeting with my therapist in the outpatient recovery program where I found sobriety. The intake took place only two days before this and I had zero experience with substance use disorder treatment prior. I had tried a few different therapists, AA meetings, and Church counseling to attempt "getting my shit together" before this. Having a therapist asking me questions so pointed at my alcoholism was a new uncomfortable.
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During this therapy session, my counselor asked me what my "recovery goal" was going to be. Uh... I don't know... I need to stop drinking? So, my goal is to sto... She interrupts me abruptly and says no, it has to be more detailed, and that "just stopping drinking" or "being able to drink responsibly" doesn't EVER happen. So, make it something you want from living a life in recovery.
“Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible.” —Tony Robbins
A detail to mention here is that at this point in my life, I was mentally and emotionally anguished. I was exhausted to the point that it took very little to stress me out and put me into overstimulated territory. I was speechless. My therapist very graciously allowed me time to think about it. I had another appointment with her the following day.
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I thought about what my goal was going to be, living on the edge of an anxiety attack, until the next day. That's when she asked me the question again. I, in turn, asked if my goal could be to do anything and everything the program asked me to do, without question. The reality behind this was I felt like I had done everything in my power to "fix myself" up to this point. Failing miserably. She said that she'd like to see me have something more detailed in the future, but she'll take it for now. She typed it out and I had to sign it, an accountability exercise.
What followed was my very first full therapy session in the recovery program that saved my life. In this session, she identified my very low self-worth and asked me to do something that was very uncomfortable for me. Daily affirmations. What? I'm a man. How is saying fluffy shit to myself in a mirror in the morning going to help? I'm not doing that. Nope. No way in hel... That's when she pulled out the paper I had JUST signed. My recovery goal, promising to do anything she asked me to. F#@k. Okay. I'll do it.
This publication has ended up being longer than I expected. So, I'm going to hit you guys with a "to be continued".
Tune in next time for the "rest of the story". And don't forget to check out my other blogs by clicking here. Thank you!
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