This week I have inadvertently found myself searching deep within myself. I am finding myself starting to get back into the groove of after summer adjustments. Things are starting to slow down at work, training of the next person that has to work next to me day in and day out has commenced and pretty close to completed. He is doing rather well I must say myself for having little to zero experience doing the job. After a few hiccups, and lapse in my studies, I think I finally got a (still under construction) working homework schedule that doesn't interfere with my work, sleep, and kids schedule. Football is off and rolling for my older boys, juggling rides and submitting early release schedule from work is getting smoother. There are still things that are lacking, but things are starting to become routine and easier, and that's a good sign. Things like my second job, my driver's license, self-care, getting insurance, and child support stuff have taken the back burner as of late, but I am also grateful that they haven't been forgotten or not worked on at all. There's only so many hours in a day, days in a week, and for my mental health's sake I had to subconsciously more things around to make the best use of my time without overwhelming myself by prioritizing certain things before I can feel comfortable participating in others.
All the things I have been working on have been done on sheer will power, resilience, and hard work, but earlier this week, these things sort of popped up in my head after doing some schoolwork in my Social Psychology class and laying in my bed later that night reflecting. See, we have had to learn about the self-concept this week, which means we had to do extensive studying about our ego, our self-esteem, and social concept. Needless to say, I've had to do some deep, gut-wrenching, soul searching this week. Maybe it is because where my mind has been lately, or maybe the experiences I've put myself through, or just simply having to write scholarly papers about Who Am I? I've come to some pretty deep realizations about myself and many aspects in my life. I'm not in any position to defiantly put a label on them, put I have opened my eyes to some new discoveries of why I think the way I do, why I constantly throughout history have self-sabotaged myself, why I feel the way I do. It is all new to me and I am trying to figure it out, but it is a privilege that today I can sit here and have all these thoughts, feelings, emotions and sort through them, sometimes it's easier than others, other times it hits harder than some, but I am truly blessed to be able to continue my journey on finding my true self. Thanks for being patient with me and thanks for listening. Until next time.
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