One thing I've had to conquer during my adventure through inner healing is the consistent avoidance behavior I had made a habit during my years of active substance use. Anything difficult, that collections letter, court date, doctor appointment, or conflict of any kind... I avoided it like the plague. Recent events have reminded me of this. So, today's episode is brought to you by the letter:
PERSISTENCE
In my personal experience, before I found recovery, I had let my mental health get so desolate that the smallest stress made me want to run and hide. Doing this would give me immediate relief from the stress much like the alcohol did. The problem was, also like the alcohol, doing this would create more issues for me in the future. Causing a snowball effect of avoidance and stressors that just got bigger and worse over time. This spun my entire life and everything connected to it completely out of control.
“Don’t Let the Past Steal Your Present.” —Terri Guillemets
But then I found recovery. More specifically I found the recovery program I used to get sober. In that program, I fully engaged with my therapist for the first time ever and she covered what "discipline" meant. Seems elementary enough, but this was the first time I had it explained to me as "Doing the difficult now for a more peaceful future". Or something like that. You get what I'm saying. Answer that call, open that letter, and address the stressor so it goes away instead of just waiting for you in a more stressful state when you finally decide to (or you're forced to) come out of hiding. For someone who had been avoiding ALL conflict for most of my life... this was terrifying.
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And it really was scary at first. There was an adjustment time of rewiring my neuropathways where anytime I tried facing conflict upfront I'd be hit with crippling anxiety attacks. But, just like any other good exposure therapy, the more I exercised this, the more I became able to handle facing my problems head-on. Like all other healing/wellness steps into wellness, this took time and... Persistence. The time involved means that giving yourself the grace to progress gradually is going to be a critical part of this process.
I'd like to report today that I am now a master of conflict resolution. The honesty part here is this has been one of the most difficult parts of my own steps into wellness. I lived a life of consistent avoidance behavior for most of my conscious life.
What I can announce today is that persistently pursuing my health issues, being a proactive father, opening that collections letter, and having those difficult discussions I would have run from before really does foster peace in the future, rather than getting chased and worn down by those stressors to the point of emotional anguish.
It's one of those things that are tough and takes time, but TOTALLY worth it once it becomes a habit. If I can do this, so can you...
Until next time.

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