Today I sit here in my home, alone after getting out of work reflecting on the last week and I feel exhausted mentally. I'll start off with stating that it was my 40th birthday on Saturday and normally I have always stated that I hate my birthday, usually they tend to be some to be some of the worst days of the year for me. It usually seems that anything that could go wrong usually does, things never go as planned or I end the day in a worse mindset than I did the day before. Granted this is most likely because I go into the day thinking these things into existence and in the past would use that as a reason to become extremely inebriated, more so than I normally would. I'd be lying to you and myself if I said that I went into this birthday expecting the same result except without the use of drugs and alcohol. I had preconceived thoughts on how I had to work all day, not being able to see my kids, and whatever other things I thought could possibly go wrong would.
This year around though throughout the struggles of my own ego ruining my day, and a fair share of obstacles thrown my way, I feel extremely proud of myself. Not just because of the fact that I didn't use or drink, but because I stayed strong through some very difficult circumstances that happened. I not only stayed strong for myself, but I feel like I really made the situation better and was able to be strong and available for my kids, their mother, and my family. I cannot go into detail about the circumstances of what is going on, but I can say that I acted and reacted in ways that I never have before. I refrained from talking bad about people, stayed calm, and was able to ease the minds of the parties involved, all while still having a blast with my kids, and after working all day enjoying a nice dinner with my family.
I chalk all of the greatness of my weekend despite the difficult things going on around me to the recovery life I've been living. The tools that I have learned through meetings, therapy and my own spiritual journey not only helped me maintain my sobriety, but also gave me an opportunity to show, prove, and demonstrate that these things really do work. I know that things are changing within me and I believe that other people are able to notice this as well. Getting sober is not easy and I know things can and will get more difficult, but I'm here to attest to you that all the hard work does pay off. Thank you for listening I wish I could explain more in detail and not so vague, but no matter the situation, it is possible to get through it and not burn everything to the ground like we all have so many times.
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