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Happy Disappointment

Today I found myself in a position, that in the past, would not have turned out the way it did, leaving myself feeling a mix of emotions (most of like the man above's career!) from pain, hurt, and disappointment to pride, gratitude, and growth.

I've been going through a lot of life changing moments lately; some have been amazing and some not so much. As I was talking with my boss today, doing our weekly check in and just chopping it up, we were talking about a huge obstacle in my life today and he asked, "How are you not losing it right now?", I shrugged it off and just explained how I can't change anything, but I can be proactive and continue on. As we conversed a little longer, I knew it was time to talk about my next career steps and how I had to put a slight pause on it due to conflicting scheduling and short timing. First of all, in the past this conversation would have never happened, either I would have been down the long dark path again from other reasons (mainly what our conversation was prior to me dropping this bomb), or because I would have probably just jumped at the first wrong thought in my mind and not thought about things.

Obviously, my news came to a huge disappointment, not just to my employer, my co-workers, and myself, but as I came home and pondered the events of the day and the events leading me up to this point, I feel good about myself. Although, the old me would have tried to be in 10 places at once, leaving myself helpless to everyone, including myself. Today I can notice the growth I've made personally. Many people say they can or have seen it for a while now, but hey, we are our own worst critics, right? I had to admit that I just had too much going on, wrong timing, or whatever, but I truly have spoken to many people that I have to just let things happen the way God intends them to and just go with the flow. Today, I feel like that is what I had to do.

I'm not sure if this is a quote I've heard somewhere before or if I made it up in a conversation I had with a wise friend this evening, but as we were discussing my news I had to share today I said, "You can't burn bridges just to build new ones", that saying would've never even been processed by my brain in the past, especially not uttering the words from my mouth explaining my actions of the day. Prior responsibilities, promises, and the overall desire of just being a better person (not just for my benefit, but for all that are involved) led me to this point of actually going into a situation, knowing that I'm going to let someone down and coming out of feeling good about myself and my personal growth.

Today, I was a disappointment to some, but not myself for once. I'll go to bed tonight and know I did all that I could, and that's strangely enough for me! Kobe!

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