I can't tell you how many times, in the heat of the moment, I have said or done things that I have regretted later. But when angry or hurt, I felt I needed to defend or justify myself. I have acted in ways that have hurt others and even myself. Late after things had settled down, I was left with guilt and shame for how i behaved and those feeling would drive me to seek relief in a drink.
When I entered recovery, I learned that just because I was sober it didn't mean that I would never get angry or hurt again. There would still be times I would want to strike out. In order to recover I would have to become responsible for my actions. I was told that "you don't have a rewind button, but you do have a pause." I just would have to learn how to use it.
I would have to start with the restraint of opening my mouth with out thinking. This has been one of the best practical things I have learned in recovery. I was told that not to react when upset, but rather to call someone and run my feeling by them first, or walk away and not respond. I was also told I could still write the text, email, or letter and not send it and delete it or to show someone before sending.
Today I get better at choosing to pause, keep mouth shut, and if more often then not keeps me from wishing I had a rewind button.
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