• Anna

Time To Dig Deeper

Updated: May 28, 2020

Misery loves company right? Not today Satan, today I’m no longer going to choose to be miserable. Today I most definitely do not want to drag anybody down with me to a place a refer to as hell, yet I still find and seek it out for my subconscious, yet still very unhealthy nonetheless, comfort. Instead of me telling you what will “work if you work it”, I need to call my wife and I need to reach out to a friend or my therapist and make an appointment when my thoughts are troubled and my mind races endlessly. And when things are starting to feel off, I know that there’s something wrong and I want to tell someone instead of quietly suffering in silence, until the only thing I know to do is grab a bottle and drown all my fears, beliefs, and feelings of abnormality until the only feeling I have left is drunkenness.

I can tell you all these things that “work” and “do this“ until the cows come home but do I actually do this myself, truly believe I am not my past mistakes or I was sick and broken not a bad woman who intently hurt others? It’s time to start believing in myself, it’s time to put in the work that I tell so many that they should do, however alcohol? Still not an option; but the continual internal torment that I do to myself daily that is projected now to my wife and all those around me....this is my addiction. I need to learn to let go of the internal torment the chaos and the discontent I supposedly have turned into my normal and comfort. So I put it in my blog today and asked to be held accountable by the world. 1.) Admitting there is something wrong

2.) Asking for help

3.) Seeking peace

4.) Wanting comfort in healthy ways

5.) Change for the better

6.) Helping others

7.) Unconditional love

8.) Elise Corinne

9.) My wife, she is a saint the shit she puta up with from me

10.) Family

It’s ok to not be ok, it’s not ok to pretend everything is fine and continue to be tormented and allow things to internally spiral. I am not ok, but I am a lot less not ok than I used to be. Yours truly,


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