Every addict is familiar with the downward spiral. We have taken the ride more times than we care to mention. We have all felt the intense emotions welling up inside as we slide further and further into our own thoughts. We sought solace in our drug of choice not realizing that this is the very thing that intensifies and speeds up our fall. There have been many nights in the past where I cannot sleep, mind is racing, and my body is literally buzzing from anxiety. The mental anguish one can inflict upon themselves is astounding. Sometimes it can take days to reverse course and straighten your sail. Learning to live in the moment through mindfulness and meditation can ease a suffering mind. You don't necessarily have to forget about the past seeing as this is what made you who you are today, but to wallow and constantly put it front and center is detrimental to your well being. Using the knowledge of the past as fuel to better yourself is what you are aiming for. Being in early recovery I find that trips down the spiral are getting less frequent and the intensity waining. That doesn't mean I don't have the occasional earth shattering episode. But knowing how to deal with it and planning accordingly lessens the duration.
You got this!!