Why? That was a question I used to ask God a lot. Why? Why again? Why can't I figure this out?
It wasn't until I was dressed only in a Bam Bam suit, alone in a jail cell, that I stopped asking God why and started asking him for. God led me down the road he did for a reason, at times it was bumpy as hell and seemed like the worst road ever made. Looking back at the worst times in my life, I realize how lucky I am today to be where I am today in my Recovery.
I wouldn't change those horrible days for anything, they made me who I am. When I share the mistakes I've made with others and they see I was able to turn my life around, it seems to provide hope for those still on the teeter-totter with their addiction. The mental strain and pressure that comes along with teeter-tottering with your addiction can seem overwhelming and impossible. That's just what it seems like, it can be done.
Your family, friends, co-workers, and the courts want you to get it, they want it to sink in now. They can't do it for you and it creates frustration for them, this often turns into anger to cover up their sadness or their inability to help you.
Just know that, and pick yourself up. Figure out the real reason you picked up again, and instead of asking God, Why? Ask God to let that be the last time you ever use, let that be the last drink you ever take, let that be the end of your suffering.
What I'm saying here, is that asking God for good things to happen instead of asking dumb questions has worked out better for me.
Corey Winfield
217 Recovery
