Im sending out blessed vibes. And a warm welcome to those reading this tonight. I’m honored to have an opportunity to share part of myself with the world. I Guess I’ll start by explaining the name Spiritual Asylum, and give a lil detail as to what my blog will be about, what’s keeping me sober,and what my struggles/ challenges are and how I’m gaining strength, motivation, or maybe even lack there of. First off,Corey can tell you I struggled with the name big time. All I knew was that Asylum had to be in it. Those that know me well can attest.. I am definitely code 51/50. The thing is though, I’ve learned to love myself(enuff) to embrace my crazy.I am also someone who loves to change words,or embrace a deeper meaning. Asylum is more then a building. It means to seek safety/refuge. I seek refuge daily. And I find it in many different things from recovery to relationships to my safe Place(the lake),and sometimes in things that aren’t healthy, but familiar and comforting. It’s what I was seeking my whole life. And just didn’t know how to give it to myself. At one point altering myself was safety to me. Until it wasn’t. By Gods grace I hit desperation because of sheer exhaustion from running in place. I still find myself doing this at times.
Which brings me to Spiritual. I understood somehow coming into recovery meant I had to quit running from myself and my past. I understood that it was going to be painful. And I understood that I was gonna need God to do it. What I didn’t realize was that it was gonna take me looking into this mirror to my soul to recover and heal. I already didn’t like who I saw. I already carried tons of guilt and shame. And now I had to become someone else(so I thought). But who was I? Was I even worth it? What was gonna be so different? I’m to inadequate to be anything, or be someone. And that’s the beauty in it all, believe it or not. Im not capable of much without some soul search daily. At times I constantly find my own negative thoughts and beliefs about myself. That’s my blessing. As long as I know I’m inadequate or weak,I’m constantly looking to and for something that makes me strong(not drugs). I’m constantly seeking something/someone(God,AA/NA,Counseling,meditation)greater then myself. I’m constantly seeking ways to validate and uplift myself. In the process of all this I’m a single mom. It’s crazy trying to raise children when at times I’m still raising myself. And it can be very lonely, as I don’t know a lot of other single moms in recovery. So being spiritually healthy is everything, because I know that when no one else is around or understands me, my higher power does.Which allows me to be spiritually connected to myself, my feelings and emotions. My very real positive and blessed truth! My prayer is that by me doing this blog,I not only get things out of my head(asylum). But that it reaches at least one person on a spiritual level, and maybe break through some of the crazy that can exist in the best of us. That it maybe reach through to someone’s personal Asylum,and change it from a place that your sheltering in, to a place you find refuge and safety.