The error of my ways; every little mistake and poor choice that eventually leads to a larger and much more harmful choice and action. Then, I obsess compulsively-replaying with minuscule deviations. Better? Worse? If I felt bad or couldn’t be completely honest with those around me, then it’s all no good! If I know it’s going to upset my wife and isn’t necessary to bring joy and happiness to myself or anyone for that matter. Then why even try? I’ve been really struggling since not being able to drive again due to having seizures. And I understand my wife wants me safe, however, juvenile Anna who sits and chats with the devil tells me otherwise. “She doesn’t care, no one does if we’re being completely honest. You’ve been nothing more but a thorn in whom ever’s side you’ve kept company. “
There are days that I let these words consume me, as I consume them like a toxic poison to further contort my thoughts into telling me no one cares about me, my thoughts, my feelings, or my happiness. So I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve been feeling real sorry for myself, and in return my actions and choices (which do affect all around me and all that care) are cries for attention; like a lost little girl stomping and kicking her feet when mommy says no. It’s not even the no that I don’t want to hear. It’s the absolute silence that petrifies me.
1.) Wake up calls
2.) Real friends
3.) My amazing step children Kam and Larkin
4.) Silly FaceTime calls with aunties boys Jax and Q
5.) Meeting my wonderful in-laws. Thank you for being so kind and loving Cindy and Weldon.
7.) Unconditional love
8.) Elise Corinne; my love, my life
9.) My beautiful wife Jamie, how do you tolerate me? I know I’m grateful that you do baby.
10.) My amazing family overall. Thick, thin, we’ve made it out the other side.
I have a couple of girlfriends I trust and need to reconnect with today. They’ll put my butt in its place and all while loving me through it. It’s ok to correct your friends if you feel they’re making poor choices and redirect ideas, remain open and teachable, with a loving heart. And if no one has told you that they love you today. I love you! Yours truly,