Updated: Apr 28
Balance is key for my life and my sobriety, not having a license and choosing to move to the UP to be with my then fiancé and now wife has made finding balance in my personal and work life very difficult. “Following my heart” and excessive people pleasing when I was sick turned into care taking in the most unhealthiest of codependent roles I used to take. Along with killing myself working overtime and consuming copious amounts of vodka. That was my “balance”, today finding balance is what I do desire in the utmost healthiest of forms; however, I am finding the conflict of keeping my wife happy, and keeping my soul happy a huge barrier and internal battle I am facing today. She is a highly educated, assertive, prideful woman who I do adore and admire these qualities with the utmost respect. Her idea of being “the provider”, and me being more of the domesticated house wife is not exactly my idealistic dream or idea of the perfect balance. I need to work, I am damn good at this work, and I get a deep sense of purpose in this duty that I perform above expectation, with a passion that sets my soul on fire. I recently began last Wednesday my new position as a case manager, with the idea as I was told, I’d be working with the men. Well, I am working with women, which at first I was reluctant to do so and completely opposed. However, I accepted this as it is what is supposed to be, and know I can and will help so many, and grow myself if I do allow it.
I’ve never been able to find healthy balance, I’ve either poured my all into another person and or work, on top of never having a healthy relationship where I am respected and my happiness was equally as important. I know my happiness matters to my wife and I know I need and will have balance, however doing things for the first time and figuring out what’s right and will work is all new to me. Along with keeping myself happy and healthy along with my wonderful wife. Happy wife, happy life? No, happy spouse, happy house.
1.) Healthy fears
2.) Spiritual fitness (mine needs work!)
3.) Helping others
4.) Knowing when to put YOU first
6.) God’s Grace
7.) Unconditional love
8.) Elise Corinne 💗💗
9.) My wife and all that sassiness that she is
10.) Family (given and chosen)I know my wife has put her blood, sweat, and tears into her education; I chose to harder, heartbreaking educational form of remaining i addiction. Both gave us vast knowledge to pursue our careers. I also know at the end of the day this love is greater than the challenges presented and we will find our ”perfect” balance; as I hope for each and every one of you trying to find your way, your voice, and your purpose. Pursue the best version of self, I know that is what I am trying to do.