I was going over “life’s curveballs” with my therapist yesterday and my self awareness is on point; hold your applause. I also came to the conclusion my correction piece, or should I say willingness to let go in order to correct, a complete nil.
I thought I had overcame a monumental barrier in my life, (in my head), until this woman who has helped me more than she knows, and I trust my deepest vulnerabilities with informed me I had made progress. Only to replace the person that little girl inside of me adored, feared, and desired validation and approval from with another. Almost as if I want and need something unattainable to strive for and basically thoroughly enjoy being a glutton for punishment. It’s the subconscious mind that is so intricately mind boggling, and truly holds the answers to all our deep rooted reasons for behaviors, patterns, and nature of all that drives a human being. No longer a prisoner to the bottle, in which I am proud and forever grateful for. Today I vow to find comfort in knowing I am enough, I am worthy, and I don’t need to hear from anyone that they are proud of me. Letting go of all that no longer serve me, (and probably never did), except to keep me sick in my own unrealistic expectations of divine perfection. That miraculous awakening that I shall hear, see, speak, think, and act without flaw is not just unrealistic, it’s a chosen fate of indefinite dissatisfaction with self. This doesn’t mean I am not allowed to expect excellence in all I do; however it means average at times is acceptable, and sometimes even failure. Failed attempts are opportunities to learn if so chosen, don’t get me wrong, I DO NOT like to lose. I struggle with mediocre, and thrive on being the best. Sometimes being the best is doing your best and knowing you gave it your all, but also being OK with this. For those that know me, this will not be an easy task, but what do they always say? It will be worth it.
7.) Unconditional love
8.) Elise Corinne
9.) My wife, that poor woman bless her soul as she hasn’t and I doubt ever will give up on a wretch like me
10.) My family
Doing my best and being satisfied with the outcome no matter what. That would be my divine freedom and mountain conquered.
We all have value, we all have worth, at an infinite level; today I suggest you honor that infinite greatness that is you. Do something just for you without fear of failure or judgement from others, but also from your biggest critics...YOU.