Fighting Fair

Fair fighting; what does that even mean? Following rules and boundaries to fully express your feelings to someone without yelling, swearing, blaming, or name calling? That’s not fighting, and I’m almost certain most would agree with me on that. “Exactly”, was my therapists response; I love talking about effective or compassionate communication, and “I feel”, use it effectively in most settings. However in the ones that involve my near and dear loved ones. I need to take my time and think before I speak, which means listen to hear, not respond. Truly think about what they said and how they feel before even opening up my mouth with a rebuttal fueled solely on emotional overdrive in which cannot be revoked. And then express myself by taking full responsibility and understanding this is my perception of what that individual is saying or doing, not their intention. I am so very quick to say, “you make me feel” or “when you only do this” etc. Verses a healthy statement like, “I feel this type of way when this occurs because I’ve experienced...” When I express my feelings openly and honestly and allow myself that moment of raw and honest vulnerability it’s scary, yet essential. And what the other party does with that and how they respond will be their responsibility and give me the opportunity to communicate in an effective manner.

1.) Growth

2.) Gratitude

3.) Patience

4.) Pain

5.) Smiles

6.) Sunshine

7.) Unconditional love

8.) Elise Corinne

9.) My wife

10.) Family

Today my wife has 14 months of consecutive sobriety, and today I am most effectively saying, “I am so very proud of you Jamie, it’s not easy, but sure is worth it. I love you.”

Yours truly,

Anna




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