So for a long time, I wasn't allowed at family Christmas. That's because I was a little butthead when I was younger. I was also in active drug use and didn't care to be around people. This lasted for about twenty years. The worst part was that I blamed everybody else but did not take accountability for my actions.
Now a few years into my recovery the family has let me rejoin them for the holidays. This took a lot of self-work on my end. I had to admit my faults. I spent a lot of time in therapy on how to deal with this. I also showed a lot of action on my part too. By that, I put the words that I was saying into action by doing the next right thing.
I had a lot of fun this year and remember everything that happened. Today I count my blessings and move forward to better things. I can only hope that one year I can do a family Christmas at my place. Anything is possible with sobriety. So keep working hard and it will pay off cause if you don't it's going to suck. You will be consumed by self-pity.