F;ght my Regret

For as long as I can remember I have always turned to music to help mitigate a negative experience. To me music holds a mental healing power that helps us through some of the toughest times.

"Fight my Regret, I swear, I swear there's hope left"

As I journey through life I have acquired a great deal of regret. Most I have been able to come to terms with, while others refuse to release their hold upon me.

"I swear I can do this just need to pull through it"

This year has been a time in my life where I have gained more regrets than any other. After a couple life changing events including the quarantine/pandemic I found myself in the height of my addiction. It had reached a point where I could not function without drinking.

"More bad days and cold sweats, I feel sick from regret"

The pandemic meant isolation which tends to be an addicts best friend and mortal enemy. This combined with being blindsided by changes in my life made for a depressive cocktail.

"My heart pounds, My chest hurts it only gets worse"

By the time we were allowed to return to work I was an absolute disaster. I tried to manage it as best as I could. Keeping my addiction as close to the chest as possible, suffering in silence. Eventually my demons caught up to me and I was so numb to the world and everyone in it.

"I try to fight it depression, I hide it..."

"...These vices are my lords, I've lost myself before. There's

got to be more"

I was in total self destruct mode, retreating to the depths of my ever increasing addiction. I reached a breaking point slipping further into depression and lost control of my life. I knew if I continued down this path death was inevitable.

"Death calling, 'Just Collapse' But I wont, no fuck that"

Something needed to change but I was so far gone by this point I couldnt even figure it out. Eventually I sent out a cry for help, my best friend picked up on it and alerted my family. We got together the next day for a meeting to decide what to do.

"I wont stop, wont fall back. I wont stop, no fuck that"

We collectively agreed that treatment was the best option. After arrangements were made and I got my affairs in order I was on my way to Traverse City to enter treatment. I emerged thirty days later with a new outlook on life.

"Here's to love, here's to peace. Solid ground beneath me"

As I write this on the eve of what was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life. I have to remember to keep fighting and not let regret get in the way of moving forward.

"Fight my Regret, I swear, I swear there's hope left"

There is hope out there for you, just keep going and you will find it I promise.

Stay Strong


Lyrics were taken from the song Fight my Regret by the Amity Affliction.

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