Death in recovery is hard. Cause we have to live with the feelings. We don't have the option to numb ourselves. If we did numb ourselves we would most likely be in a box next to our loved ones. I know for me I talk about what I'm going through with my coworkers/friends. That seems to help a lot. I will up my meetings. I push myself to do things even if I do not want to.
That said, I try to stay in contact with my loved ones. Cause I never know when it will be someone's last day on this beautiful earth. The biggest thing I have found is regret. Regret not making that contact with them when you wanted to. So if you pop into my head I will reach out cause I don't want my loved ones to just be a thought. I have lost some of the best people in my life that wanted to see me recover my life from addiction. I love you all.