• Anna

Anxiety or Detox?

Anxiety can feel like someone has literally reached inside your chest and is strangling heart and your ability to breathe. Hell, it feels like your abilities to function like an average human being are just completely thrown to the wayside and the focus is exasperated on NOT breathing or feeling right. I remember the first time I had anxiety or a panic attack; I thought I was literally having a heart attack. It couldn’t have been the 2-3, maybe even 4, highly caffeinated beverages I was well on my way to consuming daily, the overtime I was picking up to compensate my first girlfriend’s refusals to work (or do anything useful and product for that matter). Or the fifth of vodka I had began polishing off every single night after work as the detriments of my relationship escalated into (or unveiled because it was never especially healthy from the word go being neither of us were). It was a good compilation of these key factors, alcohol is an antagonistic substance for anxiety specifically. Along with stress, lack of sleep, and basically daily withdrawals; I had created myself a little party (and by party I mean nothing of that sort), my alcoholism would continue to advance with a few pauses and retreats, only to come back full force with a vengeance until I either died or completely changed everything.

1.) Recognition

2.) Correction upon awareness

3.) Growth

4.) Lucky Charms frozen coffee from Biggby

5.) Laughing out loud

6.) Basketball

7.) Unconditional love

8.) Elise Corinne, my beautiful little girl 💕

9.) Jamie Lynn, thank you for loving me

10.) My family

Acceptance verses denial; my denial was so bad at the point of my life I described above, there was no way I was even close to ready or even wanting to change. Today, my life is FAR from perfect, however I have a beautiful wife who more than supports me in every way possible in all I do to better our lives. A child and step children who love and adore me and even though that looks nothing like I had imagined, It sure looks better than it could have. A job that I absolutely love with not one but two bosses I greatly respect and the am treated in that same manner. And my sobriety which reached 2 years this January 19th. My wife will have 2 years sober tomorrow as a matter of fact, I am so very proud of her and who she is, I know together we may never be perfect. But we sure are worth it. And if no one has told you they love you today. I love you.

Yours truly,


Anna





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